Relational conflict is a common occurrence in life for everyone – They are not pleasant experiences. Most people have little or no idea as to how to negotiate through them for a peaceful and harmonious outcome. If left unresolved, conflicts do serious damage to relationships, families, and even world peace!

 In 1974 my wife and I arrived at the Royal Australian Air Force (RAAF) Base Butterworth, Malaysia, to commence a two-years posting. My specialist training was centred in aircraft weaponry. I was affectionately known as a ‘gun plumber’!

 It didn’t take long for me to adapt to my new work environment as everyone in the armament section of 75 Squadron was warm and welcoming toward me… Well, almost everyone.  From the very moment I was introduced to my Sergeant, I sensed a coldness from him toward me. 

I had not worked with him before – He was a complete stranger to me. After several weeks of weathering his coldness I went to him and said in a respectful manner, “Sergeant, have I offended you in some way, and if so, I would like to know how that I may apologise to you.” His coldness toward me immediately vanished! 

With gentleness of voice, he said, “Bill, I’m sorry.” “I’ve wrongly judged you.” “Someone I know at RAAF Base Williamtown warned me to watch out for you, suggesting you are trouble.” “Am I trouble?” I asked.  “No”, he said, “I’m sorry for misjudging you.” The gap that once divided us was now bridged and instantly we become friends!  

Was it easy for me to go to my Sergeant? No, it wasn’t! But because the presence of ‘peace’ in relationships is essential to me, I refuse to back-away whenever conflict surfaces – Retreating from conflict spells relational defeat! I call my going forward ‘care-frontation’ as I target the issue of conflict, not the person. 

Targeting the person is ‘confrontation’ – a harsh approach that usually makes matters worse. Care-frontation never seeks to win an argument but always seeks to win a friend through the restoration of peace in a relationship.

 Care-frontation reflects the heart of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit; The Father care-fronted Adam and Eve – Genesis 3:9-11, Jesus care-fronted Peter – John 21:15-19. (Jesus also, confronted the Pharisees – Matt. 23), and, the Holy Spirit care-fronts (convicts) you and me whenever we sin. 

Care-frontation is essential for the restoration of peace and the preservation of harmonious relationships. Care-frontation is not a natural skill – it must be learned. Next week’s Part 2 instalment offers simple ‘how-to care-front’ suggestions.