A Christian husband is a Learner

Every-time I’m in a bit of a pickle and I’m speaking with my mentor, Pastor Bill, he always encourages me with… “The only difference between me and you is I’ve been a longer learner than you.” For those who don’t know Pastor Bill, he’s 73 years old, is super loving, pursues righteousness, and is the grandfather of this church.

Peter said in his first letter, “In the same way, you husbands must give honour to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered” (3:7). There’s a lot of spiritual meat here so we’re going to break it down.

1. Husbands must give honour to their wives.

Okay straight off the bat, the word “must” stands-out to me. It means it isn’t an option, it’s an obligation… a command! In Greek, honour means “value” or “weight.” Like Gold we must value our wives in our hearts, minds and with our bodies. Not just honour her in private but honour her in public, to your family, your children, your workmates, our church and in our town.

Last year when I was a fitter, a group of us were working on a job together and we started talking about our wives. One bloke said to me, “You know your wife isn’t here.” I was confused, then he said, ““You’re not going to get brownie points.” I laughed so hard, and I said, “Bro, just because you don’t love your wife… that’s your problem.”

Husbands, do you value your wife’s opinion? Do you value her needs? Do your value her dreams, aspirations, her goals, her plans, her ideas, her emotions… in the same way you value your own?

My friend, Zen, and I are reading a book together called “The disciplines of a Godly Man.” A couple of months ago I realised how vague my prayers were for my wife, Lu. I was actually disappointed in myself–my prayers were like: “Lord bless Luisa in whatever she does today, give her peace and keep her safe, Amen.”

In my prayers I wasn’t putting myself in her shoes–I wasn’t valuing her spiritual walk, emotions, her challenges throughout the day. My prayers were not laser focused like how I pray for myself… my prayers had to change. Which leads me to the next point

2.Treat your wife with understanding as you live together.

The NKJV says “dwell with them with understanding.”

I’ve been married for 9 years and I’ve known my wife for over 11 years. If you were to ask me, “Elijah, how well do you understand your wife?” you might think I’d say, “A lot!” Wrong! I still buy the wrong washing powder!

Brothers, marriage is a life-long mission. It’s taken me years to get better. I didn’t say good, I said better. I’m God’s work-in-progress. Scriptures says, “… husbands, treat your wives with understanding as you live together.” For me, this has been a challenge. Yep. Is it impossible? Nope. God will never call me to do something that I can’t do without Him. I’m so blessed to have the Holy Spirit in our marriage. Even when I’m in the doghouse I see that God created Lu… He knows her inside out, more then I’ll ever know her in my lifetime. Every time I’ve gone to God for help to understand Lu, He gave me the answer I needed.

3.She’s your equal partner.

When I read, “She may be weaker than you are…,” I thought God purposely put “may be” in the verse when He created Islander women. I tell my wife all the time, “Honey, I promise to always be bigger and stronger than you.” The NKJV says “weaker vessel,” not “lesser in value vessel.” Then the verse says “but.” Note: Always pay attention when you come across the word “but” in the Bible. “But she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life.” Husbands, if you don’t understand what this means, you are in the dark… that’s not a good place to be.

4.Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.

Husbands, if we don’t give honour to our wives, treating them with understanding as we live together and viewing them as our equal partners our prayers will be–not maybe or might be… our prayers will be hindered, held back, blocked or delayed. I don’t know about you guys, but nothing is worth my prayers being hindered. I’d like to pass ‘GO’ and collect my $200.

In closing…

Husbands: know that I love you and I want you to WIN in your marriage, your prayers to be answered and wives treated as God intends.

Young men: learn from my mistakes on how to value, understand, and treat your future wife to be.

Young women: know your value, your worth, and how you should be treated from your “husband to be” as he pursues you.  If he isn’t treating you right during the dating phase; chances are this will not get better when you’re married.

Wives: well, you hold all the cards now… ha-ha, I’m joking. Know that you are your husband’s greatest encourager.

Happy Mother’s Day Fam!

Eli Viliafi